Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize