Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
