How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
