My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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