I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
