Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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