Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
