i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
