I wish my penis had an off switch
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
