there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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