make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
