eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
