all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
