I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
