Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
