I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
