matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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