stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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