i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
