I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
