I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
