I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
