hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
