you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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