I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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