I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
