can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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