Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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