i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
