Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it was like eating out sand paper
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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