how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
