I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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