Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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