If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
