Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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