On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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