11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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