woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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