sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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