You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
