Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
