Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
