I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize