You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
