if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
