I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
