Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
