This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
