there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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