I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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