I am spending my child support on dildos
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
