i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
