no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
