Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
