I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
