I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
