The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
