I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
