dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
