oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
