Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
