Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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