Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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