I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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