Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
