Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Randomize
