the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
