the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
