Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
