Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
