How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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