Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
my penis made a compromise with my morals
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
