Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
