return my video game
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
