nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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