I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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