im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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